I did not realise that it was her birthday only a week ago and I had completely frogotten about her.
She who was for me the standard for all her kind!!
Today, where all my certanities are no longer so, I am no longer sure if she still remains the standard. the measured step, the clear voice, the bold attitude. The clear expression.
Heven't dreamt of her for some time.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Understanding
I think I am beginning to find and answer to the riddle that had been haunting me for some time.
It is the absence to the direct support structure that I had in form of friends and family. Am seeking to recreate it in Jaipur but am facing trouble creating it as no one person is staying at this place long enough for me be a friend. Which in turn creates a sense of isolation and a need to indulge in a time wasting relationship. Some thing that I have never bothered with in the past. But being alone from my family I have started to more concerned with the affairs of my colleges.
Not sure if this is a good thing.
It is the absence to the direct support structure that I had in form of friends and family. Am seeking to recreate it in Jaipur but am facing trouble creating it as no one person is staying at this place long enough for me be a friend. Which in turn creates a sense of isolation and a need to indulge in a time wasting relationship. Some thing that I have never bothered with in the past. But being alone from my family I have started to more concerned with the affairs of my colleges.
Not sure if this is a good thing.
Friday, July 24, 2009
hamlet: to be or not to be
To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action
Letting Go
Letting go is one of the hardest thing to do. I need to let go of the following;
1) Old loves
2) Old City
3) Old Job
I need to let in.
1) New city
2) New love
3) New Job
What is it that is stopping me?
My Memories
My Weakness
My Dependencies
I need to find a way to overcome them
1) Old loves
2) Old City
3) Old Job
I need to let in.
1) New city
2) New love
3) New Job
What is it that is stopping me?
My Memories
My Weakness
My Dependencies
I need to find a way to overcome them
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
expressing
Today i have a need to express my self to a someone without the inclination to actually say any thing to any one. I know i have just contradicted my self but it is all that I wish to communicate.
I know it makes no sense but it is the current state of my mind.
I know it makes no sense but it is the current state of my mind.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I do not know what title to give this post. So will just leave it blank............
I have some things to say and some thins to make sense off..
Been here before, as time goes by your ability to deal with things grows. something which was debilitating in the past becomes a walk in the park with age and some times downright funny.
That one reacts like an adolescent or like an old hand is the most amusing aspect of the situation. One time the heart flutters and others one dose not even react to the situation.
When I was younger, I was told that things will get better with time, that my ability to cope with situation will also get better, but i did not believe in the people who told me that. Now I realise that those were wise words.
What am i trying to say? That I have grown up?? DON,T KNOW.....
I have some things to say and some thins to make sense off..
Been here before, as time goes by your ability to deal with things grows. something which was debilitating in the past becomes a walk in the park with age and some times downright funny.
That one reacts like an adolescent or like an old hand is the most amusing aspect of the situation. One time the heart flutters and others one dose not even react to the situation.
When I was younger, I was told that things will get better with time, that my ability to cope with situation will also get better, but i did not believe in the people who told me that. Now I realise that those were wise words.
What am i trying to say? That I have grown up?? DON,T KNOW.....
Monday, June 8, 2009
accidents & stopping
I traveled from Delhi to Jaiur This Morning. I saw 3 accidents including one where a bus hit 2 bikers that had already had an accident. Did not stop to investigate as no one had been hurt. Or at least is did not see someone lying on the road.
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